Emotional Blackmail
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What is emotional blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation where someone uses your emotions to control your behavior or actions. It typically involves threats, guilt-tripping, or other tactics to make you feel compelled to comply with their demands. Here are some common elements and tactics associated with emotional blackmail:
Threats: The blackmailer may imply or state that they will take away something valuable to you or inflict harm if you don't do what they want. (e.g. I am going to throw away your stuffs if you don’t come home by 9pm.)
Guilt: They make you feel guilty for not complying, suggesting that your refusal would mean you don't care about them or that you are a bad person. (e.g. Since you refused to obey your father, he is now having a heart attack. )
Exaggerating Consequences: They exaggerate the negative consequences of your actions or decisions, making you feel that the outcome will be catastrophic. (e.g. Are you sure? If you don’t stay behind and complete this task, the company may not give you a promotion. Think about your future. )
Silent Treatment: Withdrawing affection, communication, or attention to punish you and make you more likely to give in.
Playing the Victim: They portray themselves as the victim to garner sympathy and make you feel responsible for their happiness or well-being. (e.g. I sacrifice myself for this family, why don’t you just listen to me this time?)
Emotional blackmail can occur in various types of relationships, including romantic partnerships, friendships, family relationships, and professional settings. Recognizing and addressing emotional blackmail involves setting boundaries, seeking support, and sometimes seeking professional help to deal with the manipulation.
Break Emotional Blackmail
Dr. Susan Forward offers several strategies to address emotional blackmail in her book "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You." Here are some key strategies she recommends:
Recognize the Blackmail: The first step is to identify when emotional blackmail is happening. Awareness is crucial to understanding the manipulative tactics being used against you.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries about what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Communicate these boundaries firmly and consistently.
Stand Firm: Once you set boundaries, it is essential to stick to them. Don't give in to demands or threats, as this reinforces the blackmailer's behavior.
Detach Emotionally: Try to detach yourself emotionally from the situation. This means not reacting immediately to the blackmailer's tactics and taking time to think about your response.
Use Assertive Communication: Communicate your feelings and boundaries assertively but calmly. Use "I" statements to express how the blackmailer's actions affect you without blaming or accusing them.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support. Having a support system can provide you with strength and perspective.
Evaluate the Relationship: Assess whether the relationship is healthy and if it's worth continuing. Sometimes, distancing yourself from the blackmailer might be necessary.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about emotional blackmail and manipulation tactics. The more you understand, the better equipped you will be to handle the situation.
Reference: Forward, Susan, and Donna Frazier. Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. HarperCollins Publishers, 1997.
